You probably don't deserve this level of coffee...
…but let’s pretend you do.
Unsolicited Applause.
“From the moment I opened the can, the smell alone had me contemplating my life choices- like why have I been drinking mediocre coffee all this time??” ★★★★★
We knew praise was inevitable, so here it is:
“This coffee is bold and delicious. Love the packaging, so fresh!” ★★★★★
“I just tried the beans I got from you guys and wanted to reach out and let you know, holy #%*t these are soooo good!” ★★★★★
“Truly magnificent coffee.” ★★★★★
“Love the sweet caramely undertones.” ★★★★★
“I was so happy when my order came in! I made my first latte with the fresh beans. It was delicious!” ★★★★★
“It tasted so yummy! I have been loving it.” ★★★★★
“Got my Breville machine three years ago, but got this coffee this week… what a difference.” ★★★★★
“Love this coffee, got mine the other day… it’s soooo good.” ★★★★★
“10/10 would recommend to anyone who takes their coffee seriously, but also doesn’t want to be a total snob about it.” ★★★★★
“This coffee is something else. It has such wonderful bold flavors” ★★★★★
“Awesome coffee! Nothing more satisfying than opening up a new can!” ★★★★★
Roasted coffee in a can...
...that's probably too good for you.
Yes, we canned it.
No, we don’t owe you an explanation.
But here’s one anyway:
Were you expecting coffee beans in a lumpy bag? How remarkably pedestrian.
At Pretentious Coffee, we roast exceptional beans and seal them in bold aluminum cans… because bags are boring. Plus our cans go great with your kitchen decor and your ongoing identity crisis as a home barista.
Specialty coffee shouldn't require a PhD in flavor notes. We play the part of coffee snobs so you don’t have to.
It's just high-quality coffee for people who want to take their brew seriously… without taking themselves seriously.
Find us. Follow us. Get roasted.
Limited Supply:
Majestic Superiority.
NEW ROAST
-
LIMITED RESERVE
-
NEW ROAST - LIMITED RESERVE -
A new limited reserve medium roast with notes of caramel, cocoa, and fruit…
Plus the subtle aftertaste of knowing you drink better coffee than everyone else.
Featured products.
Hints of Hubris 1/2lb
$13
4 Pack - Mix & Save - 2lbs
$50
2 Pack - Mix & Save - 1lb
$25
Bestow Taste. Instantly.
Not sure how they take their coffee? Skip the guesswork and give them the only gift that says, “I care about you, but I care more about your standards.”
The Pretentious Coffee Gift Card lets your lucky recipient choose from our highly fussed-over, meticulously roasted, aluminum-clad offerings… without you having to pretend you know what single-origin means.
Digital. Instant. Impossibly tasteful.
Pretentious Merch.
Want to make sure everyone knows exactly how you feel about coffee without having to engage in conversation?
Share your pretentious side.
Don't be shy.
Feeling a little full of yourself? Send us a note.
Want to tell us we're annoying? Don't bother, we already know.
And remember, if this coffee isn't the best you've ever tasted, you probably brewed it wrong.