You probably don't deserve this level of coffee...

…but let’s pretend you do.

Roasted coffee in a can...

...that's probably too good for you.

Yes, we canned it.

No, we don’t owe you an explanation.

But here’s one anyway:

Were you expecting coffee beans in a lumpy bag? How remarkably pedestrian.

At Pretentious Coffee, we roast exceptional beans and seal them in bold aluminum cans — because bags are boring. Plus our cans go great with your kitchen decor and your ongoing identity crisis as a home barista.

Specialty coffee shouldn't require a PhD in flavor notes. We play the part of coffee snobs so you don’t have to.

It's just high-quality coffee for people who want to take their brew seriously — without taking themselves seriously.

Find us. Follow us. Get roasted.

Featured products.

Hints of Hubris 1/2lb

$13

4 Pack - Mix & Save - 2lbs

$50

2 Pack - Mix & Save - 1lb

$25

Pretentious Merch.

Want to make sure everyone knows exactly how you feel about coffee without having to engage in conversation?

  • "Roasted to perfection. Canned like it’s art. Drink up, peasant."

    Head of Can Aesthetics
    Pretentious Coffee Company

  • "Don't forget, unlike coffee bags, our Pretentious Coffee cans are endlessly recyclable. And there's nothing more pretentious than knowing you're a better person because you recycle."

    PR Director

    Pretentious Coffee Company

  • "I personally interview every bean. Some just don’t have the depth.”

    Chief Bean Curator

    Pretentious Coffee Company

  • "We will know how you brew it. And we will silently assess you."

    Head of Post-Purchase Judgement

    Pretentious Coffee Company

Share your pretentious side.

Don't be shy.

Feeling a little full of yourself? Send us a note.

Want to tell us we're annoying? Don't bother, we already know.

And remember, if this coffee isn't the best you've ever tasted, you probably brewed it wrong.