Insufferably good coffee, roasted to perfection, and package in bold aluminum cans.
It’s coffee that’s probably too good for you. But you’re welcome try.
NEW ROAST
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LIMITED RESERVE
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NEW ROAST - LIMITED RESERVE -
Just Launched:
Majestic Superiority.
A new limited reserve medium roast with notes of caramel, cocoa, and fruit…
Plus the subtle aftertaste of knowing you drink better coffee than everyone else.
Exclusive Pairings
PUMPKIN SPICE + COFFEE
For refined taste buds only. Everyone else can stick to microwave popcorn, candy bars, and gas station brews.
Limited supply. Free shipping.
You probably don't deserve this level of coffee...
…but let’s pretend you do.
Roasted coffee in a can...
...that's probably too good for you.
Yes, we canned it.
No, we don’t owe you an explanation.
But here’s one anyway:
Were you expecting coffee beans in a lumpy bag? How remarkably pedestrian.
At Pretentious Coffee, we roast exceptional beans and seal them in bold aluminum cans — because bags are boring. Plus our cans go great with your kitchen decor and your ongoing identity crisis as a home barista.
Specialty coffee shouldn't require a PhD in flavor notes. We play the part of coffee snobs so you don’t have to.
It's just high-quality coffee for people who want to take their brew seriously — without taking themselves seriously.
Find us. Follow us. Get roasted.
Featured products.
Hints of Hubris 1/2lb
$13
4 Pack - Mix & Save - 2lbs
$50
2 Pack - Mix & Save - 1lb
$25
Bestow Taste. Instantly.
Not sure how they take their coffee? Skip the guesswork and give them the only gift that says, “I care about you, but I care more about your standards.”
The Pretentious Coffee Gift Card lets your lucky recipient choose from our highly fussed-over, meticulously roasted, aluminum-clad offerings—without you having to pretend you know what single-origin means.
Digital. Instant. Impossibly tasteful.
Pretentious Merch.
Want to make sure everyone knows exactly how you feel about coffee without having to engage in conversation?
Share your pretentious side.
Don't be shy.
Feeling a little full of yourself? Send us a note.
Want to tell us we're annoying? Don't bother, we already know.
And remember, if this coffee isn't the best you've ever tasted, you probably brewed it wrong.